Fingers Crossed!!

At my April appointment I learned that I would have to be referred to a GYN who would be the one to approve or deny the surgery. Luckily, I had this GYN when I was early in my first pregnancy and I like her a lot! If she approves the surgery she will also be the one to do it, so there's another plus. I've been waiting since April for my appointment with her on June 21st, and now that its a week away Im getting more and more nervous. Im keeping my fingers crossed and hoping for the best!
As for my symptoms, they are all the same but pain is also hitting more in my lower back now. The intense quick stabbing pains are feeling a lot like labor pain...ugh!

Longhorns and Long Waits :(

Well, I'm back in Texas! Just set up my new Doctor. Turns out the next available time to get me in is late April! And thats just to meet with my PCM. So its 2 months waiting for my PCM, probably  a week waiting for the referral to a GYN, who knows how long til I get in to the GYN and then I have to pray they will approve me for the Surgery...which will be more waiting til I get that!

Its funny, you tell "doctors" that you have a stabbing knife like pain in your pelvic/abdominal area for 5 years (everyday) and now its cramping in my lower chest and they say okay see ya in a couple month!!
If I didnt just want to get rid of this so bad I would say F them at this point and im officially done! I have had it!

Back to Square One :(

So, the U/S came back normal. I know this doesnt mean much because of all the people I've heard from that had the same results but found something through surgery. I will be getting a new GYN in the next couple of weeks and Im going to ask for the Laparoscopy! I just hope and pray that will give me the answers I need.
Not much to write today, Im beyond frustrated and in the most pain I've ever been in.

Todays The Day! Fingers Crossed!

I am going in for my U/S tonight and Im pretty anxious about it. On one hand Im a little nervous for something to show up but on the other hand it would finally show the doctors that im not crazy :)

I stopped taking the Nexium, after 5 day of being on it, because it wasnt making a difference in any of my symptoms. The pain in my lower sternum/upper abdomen has turned into a cramping and sharp pains like pins and needles. Looking more into it I realized its the area where my kidneys are, which worries me a little along with everything else...

Hopefully my U/S will give me some answers! Should have the results within a couple days!

Good News...?

So, the doctor prescribed Nexium for the stabbing pain in my chest and I have been on it for three days now. On the upside, I havent had much of the stabbing pain(although it had mostly stopped before actually taking the meds) but it now feels like a heavier pressure on my chest making it a little difficult to breath at times. I dont know if this medication is actually working. I though it was supposed to take all of that away (if it truly was related to acid reflux). I need to look more into this!
Downside, the nausea is worse, the cramps are...well they're always bad, and my headaches wont go away!

Another upside though... I have the most precious, stubborn, crazy, sweet, goofy daughter in the world and she always keeps me smiling :) When im feeling down she does the most random things, like last-night... She got an empty CD case, came over to me, smushed it over her mouth and nose and made the silliest faces at me!!! She's hilarious, and the most important thing to me!

"Try to find a way to live with the pain" ...REALLY?!

So, I went to the doctor today. I told him how all of my symptoms have gotten extremely worse, and making daily routines impossible. I also told him that as of 5 days ago I was having a sharp stabbing pain in my lower sternum and a heavy pressure all throughout the day. I brought up how I would like to be checked for Ovarian Cancer (because of the hundreds of stories I've read similar to mine and based off my symptoms and history), and he told me it didnt seem a likely possibility. And when I said I've read too many stories of girls in their 20's and teens being diagnosed with it, to be told it unlikely, he said "well, its like finding a needle in a hay stack". And he still didnt think it was something to consider. He said he would prescribe me Nexium for the chest pain because he though it was due to gastroesophageal reflux. And for the ongoing pelvic/abdominal pain he would go ahead and let me have an ultrasound next week to put my mind at ease... but he thinks that  I should "stop letting it control me and learn to control it...find away to live with it and make it better". Are you freaking kidding me?! Ive been living with it for almost 5 years! I have tried to ignore it, put on a happy face and laugh it away. That doesnt work anymore! I can barely carry my dughter around because it hurts to have her weight on my stomach. Im tired all day, my list of symptoms is growing and I dont want to live with this any longer. So tell me, what good is a doctor if he cant figure out the problem and blows off every suggestion I have?
I'll be starting my Nexium tomorrow (yay, side affects consist of abdominal pain and headaches)...lets see how that goes, and I'll have my ultrasound next Monday. I will have the results by Thursday and then Im on the road Saturday (unless something serious shows up and then...i dont even know)!
Hopefully I will have surgery with in the next two months, because im done trying different things and waiting for nothing.
I know my body and I know something is wrong, and no so-called "doctor" is going to try and explain things away anymore!

Fingers crossed! More to come next week...

New Year ... New Worries!

So... Wednesday (01/26) the nausea I was having, which I would describe as a woozy stomach, turned into me going to the bathroom throughout the day feeling like I was actually going to throw-up (but all I had was dry heaves). It continued into Thursday. Then Thursday night I woke up with a sharp pain in my lower sternum. I tried to go back to sleep but it continued on and off. I woke up this morning and knew I couldnt wait any longer. I may not be able to have my surgery until I move but I need to know whatever I can find out now! I called the last Doctor I saw here, that told me to get the surgery, and scheduled an appointment for Monday morning. Im hoping to get a CT or another MRI. I feel like with the way my symptoms have worsened and the new ones coming on, something is really wrong...

To make things more difficult, Im stressing over other possible diagnosis's. I recently heard about a 24 year old who passed away from Ovarian Cancer.  This is something that has never come up and got me wondering. I started looking into it, reading blogs, and watching videos. The four main symptoms to watch for... I have. And I understand that they are associated with other problems as well, but having the four main symptoms of OC makes me think the doctors should have brought it up at some point, dont you think? Especially when Breast Cancer runs in my family putting me at a higher risk for both!

I have gone through so many stories similar to mine and my heart just breaks waiting and wondering...
All I know is whatever I have is completely taking over me and I need answers, even if its the worst possible news.

I will post again next week with updates. Fingers crossed I can get a scan!!

Why do things seem to be getting worse more quickly?

Its pretty bad when being in pain is the norm! And as used to it as I am, it still hits hard and can be extremely unbearable. Trying to ignore the pain is frustrating and stressful especially when its getting harder to do. I look forward to getting into the doc asap. Until then Im a little worried of whats to come. The fatigue is ridiculous, constant nausea,  and now my periods are all out of wack! Last month I started a few days early (no big deal) but this month I was a week early! Will this ever end?!

I dont think I mentioned before about pain medication... NOTHING WORKS for me! I've tried everything from Motrin to Vicodin. However, I am more relaxed when in a hot shower or use a heating pad over my lower abdomen (but it doesnt take away the pain).

If anyone reads this, feel free to post what helps you!

When the torture started and where I am today...

The last 10 years in short...

I started my period when I was 13yrs old. As soon as 14yrs I began to have extreme pain with them. It was as if someone stuck a fork in my lower abdomen and started twisting in around and around. I missed school days every month due to the pain, but always said it was because I wasnt feeling good. I didnt think it was anything more than just really bad cramps. After becoming sexually active (at 18yrs) I started having occasional pain not associated with my period. In the beginning of 2006 I begin having pain during intercourse. That was the worst pain I had experienced in my life. It felt like a knife stabbing the inside of me. At that point I knew something was wrong. I went to the doctor in August '06, where I was told (by two doctors) that it was probably gas related! I strongly disagreed but did as they advised (I was given samples of gas medications to try). After trying them with no avail I was back at the office. One of my doctors suggested birth control. I was on this for the next year and a half but the pain was still there and I was frustrated and hesitant about going back. At the beginning of 2008 I decided it was necessary. The pain was becoming more frequent and disrupting my work. I must explain, that I was not talking about my pain in much detail to anyone but the doctors. I was living with my boyfriend (now husband) but felt it difficult to fully share what I was going through. I didnt want sympathy and I didnt want to feel "broken". By 2008 I had done some research. So when one of the doctors actually said to me he wasnt sure what it could be, I suggested Endomitriosis. He agreed that it was a possibility and sent me for an ultrasound. When the ultrasound showed nothing he referred me to a new doctor. At my next appointment I was told that my symptoms did seem to indicate Endo even though nothing was seen. I was put on a different kind of birth control and pain medications. After having terrible side affects from both I stopped everything. I quickly became pregnant and all was put on hold. Luckily, the pain seemed to disappear throughout my pregnancy. Although I went through a rough pregnancy I was so happy not to have the self diagnosed CPP anymore. Two months after giving birth, my hope for living pain free was instantly shot down. It was back and came on faster and stronger than ever!. When the pain returned in June 2009 I chose not to say anything to anyone. It wasnt until November that I decided I couldnt take it anymore and wanted a new doctor (since my husband is Military we had moved away). I told this doctor that I believed I had Endomiriosis and everything thing that I had been through over the years. He sent me for a number of MRI's and bloodwork just to be sure of everything. A few weeks later I was told once again, that nothing was found. He said he didnt think it was Endo but maybe Interstitial Cystitis and decided to... refer me to ANOTHER doctor! The new doctor said he didnt believe that to be the case but really couldnt offer another diagnosis. Instead, he suggested that maybe my diet was too blame (in that I drank too much milk) and that I should try to cut out milk and replace it with Greek Yogurt! I was becoming very impatient and extremely furious because I knew this was not the reason. But once again I did as advised. I cut milk from my diet for a while and when I saw no results I was yet again DONE with doctors! In May of 2010, still suffering with daily pain, I found out I was pregnant. As with my first pregnancy, all the pain seemed to disappear. I figured it would be back eventually but was happy to know that I would at least have the next 9 months without it. Unfortunately, all the pain I had had over the years would not come close to what i would feel in August 2010, when I miscarried my twins. I went through a very emotionally devastating time and on top of it all my pain returned as expected. In October the doctor I was being seen by suggested that I skip more meaningless trips to different doctors and just go in for surgery (a Laparoscopy) to see if there was anything that could be found.  He had to refer me to the doctor that would make the final call and set up the surgery, and get this... that doctor decided we should try BIRTHCONTROL INSTEAD!!! Because I am moving in February and was back and forth between states until then, I have not gone back to the doctors here. My pain is becoming worse. It used to be a few times during the day (everyday) where I was in extreme pain. Now it is a few short times during the day when im NOT in pain. I can easily tell someone that im in pain for 98% of the day everyday, but unless you've experienced it you have no idea (as with anything else). Which is another reason I dont talk about it and why no one in my life knows the full extent of what im dealing with. I have become so physically and emotionally worn down. I cannot have sex without feeling like im being repeatedly stabbed inside, I am tired, exhausted, and fed up!
My plan now... As soon as I move I will be finding another new doctor and DEMANDING a Laparoscopy. I will take no other suggestions and no other medications!  This has taken over my life and I wont "deal" with it anymore. It is a new year and I have new hopes for finding some answers! I will be blogging my experiences from this point forward. Partly because it helps me to get everything out, and mostly because I want to help others like me. I know so many girls and women out there that still have no answers for their pain and although I cannot give them the answers needed, I can show my understanding and support!